First, take a moment to celebrate your decision to get some professional help.  It can take a lot of courage to decide we need some support.

You may be new to therapy and not sure where to start, or maybe you have found a therapist but are not sure if they are the right fit for you. To help, here are a few things to consider so you are working with the right therapist for you.

Where to start

After deciding we need a some extra help, finding the right therapist can feel a bit overwhelming. Don’t worry – you are not alone in feeling this way so don’t let this deter you from seeking help.

You could start by getting recommendations from friends and family on therapists they or someone they know have worked with. However, be mindful that you might have different needs and goals from the person giving you the recommendation, but it is a starting point.

Try searching for local therapists on the internet and read through their online profiles. If one feels like a good match, get in contact, and ask them questions that will help you decide if they are a good fit or not for your needs. Ask what they specialise in, where they hold sessions and get a feel for whether you think you can get along with them.

If you have read about a particular therapy model that is effective for different issues, for example, eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing therapy (EMDR) for trauma or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) for anxiety, try and find a therapist who specialises in them. When choosing a therapist, make sure the person delivering the sessions is registered with the appropriate regulatory body for their profession. For psychologists, this is the Health and Care Professions Council (HCPC).

Before making your decision consider if there is a specific gender, age, or ethnicity you might feel more comfortable speaking to. Also, decide if you would prefer the sessions to be in-person, over the phone or via video calls and have a rough idea of what you want to accomplish by coming to therapy.

Finally, with help from your GP or through self-referral, you can access mental health services but keep in mind that these waiting lists can be long.

You have started, what now?

After finding a therapist, you now need to decide if they are the best fit for you to achieve your goals from therapy.

Studies have found that one of the most important factors for effective treatment is the relationship between the therapist and the individual in therapy. This is known as a therapeutic alliance. Both you and your therapist should agree on your goals for coming to therapy and how these are going to be achieved.

Sharing details about your life can be daunting, but this process is key to helping the therapist work with you to reach your goals. This is why it is so important to trust the therapist you are working with. When talking about uncomfortable things, it is essential that you feel comfortable in their presence. Trust your gut with this decision, if you don’t feel safe or comfortable this may not be the best fit.

A good therapist will respect your boundaries and create a judgement-free zone where you feel free to express your thoughts and feelings. There should be mutual respect and trust throughout your sessions. Remember it’s your session and you are in control; your needs and goals may evolve throughout the process and that’s okay – you are in the driving seat and the therapist is there to support you.

There are a lot of benefits to doing therapy but remember there are no quick fixes. But if you feel safe exploring uncomfortable feelings with a therapist, they can help you build coping skills to help you overcome the difficulties you are currently facing. 

Going through the process of finding a therapist, and then meeting them but deciding you are not feeling that connection can be tough – it’s okay though, these things happen! Sometimes a good therapist may not be a good fit for you.

Therapy is about you, not the therapist. A therapist may have great skills, but they will only be effective if you feel connected to them, so it’s important you feel comfortable to get the most out of your therapy sessions.

It can take a few sessions to build that bond, especially if you are new to therapy so you may have to give yourself some time to get used to it. After the first couple of sessions check in on how you are feeling. Do you feel supported? Do you feel validated? Comfortable? Safe? Can you say anything without judgement? Do you trust them? Do you fully understand what the therapist is saying and feel comfortable asking them to go over it? Do you feel heard? If not, it might be worth finding another therapist. However, all is not lost as you can use this experience to identify what you want from your next therapist and go from there.