Raise a finger if you…
1. Have difficulty saying no to people
2. Feel overwhelmed or drained
3. Ignore your own needs and/or feel guilty taking time for yourself
4. Feel the need to justify your choices
5. Have difficulty setting priorities (especially when it comes to prioritising yourself over others)
If you have a couple of fingers up, you may benefit from putting in place some healthy boundaries.
Without these boundaries, it is easy to lose ourselves to the demands of work, relationships and obligations to friends and family so setting these boundaries will help you gain some control over your life. This can be difficult to begin with, but by taking it slow you can put in place some boundaries in line with the values you want to live your life by and protect your physical, mental, and emotional health and well-being.
If neglecting your own needs is starting to take a toll, here are a few things you can try to get started on creating boundaries.
Reflect
What are your priorities? This can be a tough question with some obvious and not-so-obvious answers. Having healthy boundaries allows you to choose what you exert your energy and time on so it’s important when setting these boundaries to focus on living a life in line with your values. It can help to ask yourself the following questions:
- What do you value the most in your life right now?
- What makes you happy? Supported? Valued? Energised?
- What do you look forward to doing?
- What do you dread doing?
- Is anything causing you avoidable stress?
- What areas of life do you feel exhausted by?
- Is anything missing from your life?
- What direction do you want your life to go in?
Reflecting on these types of questions can help you identify what boundaries you want to set in place in different areas of your life and will give you a starting point to focus on.
Yes vs No
Ever feel guilty saying no? If so, you are not alone but this is a vital skill to help protect your physical and mental wellbeing. If you feel exhausted from over-committing yourself and fear letting people down, then implementing some boundaries can help protect you from burning out. This will help prevent you from being persuaded into doing things you don’t want to do and protect you against experiencing the emotional and physical fatigue of being a ‘people pleaser’.
Remember you are in control of your life so reclaim that power and trust yourself to make the right decision of when to say yes or when to say no.
Communication is key
Creating healthy boundaries requires clear communication of the expectations of ourselves and others. Some boundaries will be more flexible than others depending on the situation, but what is key is communicating when your boundaries have been crossed.
This does not need to be confrontational, just be honest and clear as healthy boundaries allow everyone to communicate their wants and needs, while also respecting and recognising these in others.
Trust your gut
When you feel a boundary has been crossed you may experience a physical response like an internal alert going off. Trust this instinct to guide how you want to dedicate your time and energy. Like an internal compass, boundaries can start with a gut feeling that tells you when to devote time and energy to something versus when you need to say no.
Don’t overthink it but if you feel like your boundaries have more control over you than you have over them, it may be time to reconsider. Remember setting boundaries is not there to limit you, they give you the control to live the life you want to live and protect your physical and mental well-being by creating space to thrive.
Deprioritising our own needs can affect our mood in time, or increase anxiety levels.
If you would like to talk to us about psychological therapy you can email us at hello@nepsychology.co.uk, call 07870 241970 or use the contact page. We are experienced Clinical Psychologists offering a range of psychological therapies.
