In our fast and high-pressure lives, often our harshest critic tends to be ourselves. After a while, this can take a toll on our physical and mental health. One skill we can develop to combat this is practising self-compassion.

Think about a time in your life when you were helping someone who was experiencing disruptive feelings or a challenging life event. How did you support them? Did you get angry and yell at them to get over it? Were you telling them they were useless or a failure? No, you wouldn’t – so why is it such a struggle to treat ourselves with kindness when it is so easy to give it to others?  Overall, we are much harsher on ourselves than we are on other people.

This is where self-compassion can help. Practising self-compassion involves treating ourselves with the same warmth, kindness and understanding that we would extend to others if they were experiencing difficulties in their lives.  But is can take practise, it often does not come easily for us.

Kristen Neff, a leading expert in the field has outlined three main elements of self-compassion. These are:

1. Self-Kindness – Instead of ignoring or judging ourselves about our failures or mistakes, be kind and understanding to your situation
2. Common humanity – We may need reminders that failures, suffering, and imperfections are all part of the shared human experience.
3. Mindfulness – Having a balanced approach towards both positive and negative emotions. Try not to suppress or focus on negative thoughts and emotions but observe them with an open mind.

Self-compassion is a skill that needs to be regularly practised to experience its benefits.  Research has shown a positive correlation between practising self-compassion and improving psychological well-being. Some other areas self-compassion can help with are:

–           Depression

–           Coping with chronic pain

–           Anxiety Disorders

–           Grief

–           Trauma

–           Addiction

–           Stress

–           Improving overall life satisfaction and social connections

–           Boosting motivation

–           Developing resilience for future setbacks

The key takeaway for practising self-compassion is that things happen in life that are out of our control, but we can control how we respond to these situations. Next time you notice you are attacking yourself or being too self-critical, press pause, acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, and ask yourself, would you talk to someone else the same way if they were in your position?

For more exercises developing self-compassion visit https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

Clinical Psychologists can help people develop self compassion and overcome emotional health problems.  At NEpsychology, we can help, call 07870 241970, email hello@nepsychology-co-uk.stackstaging.com or us the contact us page.