We are constantly hearing that if we are not happy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week then there must be something wrong with us. We have become obsessed with chasing happiness but unfortunately, this could just make us feel worse.
There are a lot of myths about what you need to achieve to be happy. We have been conditioned to think we can only achieve happiness when we reach important milestones like buying a house, getting our dream job and car, or finding the perfect partner. If you say to yourself “I’ll be happy when…” then achieving these goals will only provide you short-term happiness as there will be always something else for you to chase.
Happiness is just like any other emotion. It is the same as experiencing moments of fear, sadness, or anger, it will come and go. We don’t experience just one of these emotions at a time, they can all co-exist together. For example, you could feel nervous about an upcoming presentation at work or becoming a new parent, but you could also feel excited about it. Just because you are feeling angry or sad about something doesn’t mean that you are not a happy person. Just chasing happiness and pushing away any negative feelings can only last for so long until it becomes distressing and affects your overall wellbeing.
We don’t have as much control over our thoughts and feelings as we would like to think, but we can pursue actions that bring happiness into our lives. We have control of our behaviours, over what we do.
What brings one person happiness might not bring it to someone else. Living in line with the qualities you value the most can help guide you when things get a little tough. If we work on practising being fully present in the moment while practising valued activities, and we can work towards feelings of fulfilment. Even if you have a difficult past, you can still have a happy future that is rich and meaningful to you.
Remember there is nothing wrong with not feeling happy all the time, it is completely normal. Life can be difficult but learning to embrace all the unexpected twists and turns can make it a little easier. You cannot achieve happiness as a goal, but it can be a side effect of living a life that is meaningful and authentic to you.
If you want to think further about this, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can help. It is a therapy that helps us understand and live by our values, moving towards fulfilment, while making space for unhelpful thoughts and emotions. Call 07870 241970, email hello@nepsychology-co-uk.stackstaging.com or contact us.
