Why getting rid of anxiety doesn’t work
By Dr Sarah Woods, Clinical Psychologist in Morpeth, Northumberland offering CBT and EMDR.
Anxiety can be an unpleasant sensation to experience. We might notice our mind racing and our body reacting with tension, breathlessness or a higher heart rate. It might bring a feeling of restlessness. We can find it hard to settle or to feel any balance.
So of course we want to get rid of it.
However, modern research has shown that it is often the struggle against anxiety that becomes the problem, not the anxiety itself.
Anxiety is a normal human emotion
It is part of our survival system, anxiety is there to keep us safe. It is like it taps us on the shoulder and warns us to take care. If we never felt worry we would struggle to keep ourselves safe from dangers. If we didn’t feel, we wouldn’t be human. To be human means experiencing the full range of emotion. So aiming to be rid of anxiety is unrealistic
So how do I live with?
My answer, in short, is to learn to live alongside it. To breathe into it and to allow its presence without letting it push us around and dictate our actions.
Notice the struggle
When we try to resist emotion it keeps us in a struggle with it. Think of trying to push one of those ‘woggle’ swimming aids underwater – a lot of energy goes into it and it just pops back up. In the meantime, all of our focus on energy is going on pushing the ‘woggle’ under water. To the detriment of living our lives to the full. It keeps our focus on the anxiety and stops us fully engaging in our activities.
The same goes for anxious thoughts. We know from research that the more we try not to think about something the more we tend to think about it. The more we focus on anxious thoughts, the more anxious we feel, the more threat in our system, and it keeps the anxiety cycle going.
Notice it, don’t resist it
If we approach anxiety from the position of noticing, then we approach it from a different perspective. We can learn to notice the thoughts and feelings and make a choice about whether to would pay attention to them.
Make a choice about whether to act on anxious feelings
It is possible to think one way and act another – if a friend makes us food we do not like we can choose to act grateful, because that is the sort of friend we would prefer to be. We can’t help thinking we do not like it but we can choose how we behave.
Similarly, we can choose whether or not to pay attention to emotion. Just before taking a skydive it would be quite normal to feel fear, however somebody who values adrenaline and adventure may choose to notice this fear and make the jump anyway.
In this way, we are making space and room for negative thoughts and feelings and allowing them to be part of our experience. BUT without letting them make our choices.
If you would like to talk further or ask any questions you can book a free initial consultation. Call 07870 241970, email hello@nepsychology-co-uk.stackstaging.com or contact us.
